Coffee
by Orichalcon
Summary: (I need to upload something that isn't a parody) Aria of Sorrow based. It just isn't Soma's day; when someting good finally DOES happen, the moment is tainted by the usual bad luck


Coffee- By Orichalcon  
  
.................  
  
I hate this castle.  
  
That was the only thought in Soma's head right then. Or rather, the dominant thought. The rest of his brain was devoted to slashing demons, skeletons, zombies, and other, less desirable things with the piece-of-crap- blunter-than-a-butter-knife short sword he had found a while back. The thing was nigh useless, and he usually ended up running anyway due to his lack of protection. Cotton and suede don't do much to discourage the fire breathing spawn of Satan coming at you with a crazed "Die Motherfucker" look in it's eyes. His early fights, when he had actually tried to fight back, usually ended with the thing still living and Soma so badly injured that he had to crawl back to one of those strange statues of the Virgin Mary that "magically" healed him at a single touch. He hadn't been Christian since ten years ago (it's rather pathetic when an eight-year-old gives up on religion because even HE can tell something's wrong), but he always found himself unconsciously uttering a few Hail Mary's before exiting.  
  
Sometimes, his thoughts would wander to other subjects. Usually, something hideous would choose that time to jump him, so it never wandered very long. Dracula's former abode spawned many an interesting question. For example: "Where are the bedrooms?"; "Never mind that, were are the damn bathrooms?"; "What's that horrid smell?" (followed closely by "Oh, rotting flesh"); "What the hell is that thing?"; and "Did I just see that?". Soma had never hated his life so much as he did in that castle.  
  
Suddenly, a female demon with four arms (and four katanas) leaped at him from out of no where. How coincidental, here he was thinking about monsters interrupting his thoughts when a monster interrupted his thoughts.  
  
I REALLY hate this castle.  
  
Soma turned and readied himself to run. It crossed him mind that he should have asked Mina for some of those wards she consistently had with her. He didn't know if they would really do anything, but he needed help. Besides, she carried so many of those things it sometimes seemed like she REALLY thought she was going to get attacked by demons some day, and she was neurotic about keeping them around. He remembered one time when he had invited her to go with him and another acquaintance of his to a local ramen house. He remembered two things about that trip: He had been called "stupid American" for dumping his noodles into the bowl of broth (how was he supposed to know how to eat ramen correctly), and that Mina had freaked out and ran back home when she realized she forgot her wards.  
  
The thing, "Durga" said something in the back of his mind, shrieked like a banshee and lunged at him. He only had a few minutes to wonder were the voice came from before having to parry the Durga's moves and get out of it's direct line of attack. Suddenly, he saw it.  
  
In the back of his mind trumpets sounded and ugly, fat ass cherubs started singing. The sight of the rapier sticking out of the floor (piercing solid stone) made him overwhelmingly, disturbingly happy. Finally, a real way to fight back! This must be how Arthur felt when given Excalibur! He threw the butter knife/sword at the demon woman and lunged for that ray of hope.  
  
Of course, said demon woman was none too happy about getting nailed in the forehead with a butter knife. She ran at Soma, screaming in a rather stereotypical mad-woman-high-pitched voice only to become aquatinted with the three-inch point of the rapier. It screamed that annoying voice and promptly vaporized.  
  
Soma rose, slightly confused, but victorious. A monster he didn't have to run from. Muwahahahaha!  
  
Feeling far, far too good about himself, Soma began to rise. Before he did, however, he saw something rather unexpected. Sitting on the ground where the demon woman had been was a small, steaming cup of black coffee.  
  
Soma blinked once. The coffee was still there. He blinked a second time. Nope, still there. A third time. That thing couldn't possibly be sitting there, could it?  
  
After doing that longer than any healthy human being should, Soma decided that, in fact, a cup of coffee had magically appeared and was sitting on the floor of a demonic castle trapped inside a solar eclipse and it was perfectly sane to think so. Not knowing what else to do with it and happy that he had found something edible (he had been hungry when he got there and the monsters were NOT helping), Soma picked up the coffee and began to drink.  
  
The human brain is a remarkable organ. It can recognize signals sent to it by other parts of the body almost instantly. For those who don't understand the process, here is a play by play of what happened in Soma's brain:  
  
The coffee hit Soma's taste buds. The taste buds-well-tasted the coffee and sent this information to the brain. The brain processed the information and then looked through memory to see if it recognized the taste. The taste was matched to something he had previously eaten and sent signals to another part of the brain, this one controlling movement. This part of the brain sent signals to the muscles in the throat and mouth to contract.  
  
Soma spit the coffee out.  
  
"DECAF! The one damn edible thing in the entire damn castle had to be damn disgusting damn decaf damn coffee!"  
  
I. Really. Hate. This. Castle. 


End file.
